I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
