I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
