Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
