My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
