never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
