Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
