Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
