it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
