let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
