MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
