can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
