i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
