the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
