In the future we'll all be gay
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
