Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
