you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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