Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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