just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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