My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
