We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
