His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
