it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
