We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
