just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
