Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
