Kiss
Puke
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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