Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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