I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
