you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
