we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
