can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
