He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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