Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
