ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
