Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
