just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
