Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
