How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
