i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
false alarm. still invincible.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
