I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
