my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
