May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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