i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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