i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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