u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Pants are for mortals
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
