Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
