I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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