I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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