a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
