I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
