I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
