I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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