Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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